One weekend while I was having a peaceful night in, I came across the movie How to Be Single. As a single woman, I was interested and wanted to see what the movie had to say. I watched the whole movie and saw the main character make many mistakes. As time went by I wondered if this woman would ever discover how to be single and content. Finally, during the last five minutes of the movie it seems the main character found self fulfillment and mastered the right way to be single. At first I was annoyed that it took so long for the woman to come to her senses, but then I realized in reality it can take some women years or even a lifetime to learn how to be single.
I have been single for a while, but I didn’t become happily single until last year 2016. At the beginning of 2016 I felt like God was calling me to be single and content about it. Before I had a tendency to entertain people I did not see a future with just so I could have a temporary companion. This time in 2016 God was calling me to do something I had never heard of which is being single and loving it! So for a year I was single and enjoyed every minute of it. I couldn’t believe how much freedom and peace I was missing out on. Today I am still single and I am learning more about myself, God, and my future husband everyday. In this blog post I will share with you my dos to being single and loving it!
- Enjoy Your Own Company
Learning to enjoy your own company is so important. When you can have fun all by yourself, you are more critical about who can come in your space. Being single and content means there is a certain peace in your life that you aren’t willing to give up for just anybody. During your single season do the things that you enjoy. When we are always in a relationship, we slowly lose our self and exchange our passions for whatever the other person enjoys doing. Have fun on your nights in and your days out! I go out with my family and friends sometimes, but I am also not afraid or ashamed to do things by myself like going to a restaurant or the movies. In high school I would pay my brother to go to the movies with me because I didn’t want to go alone. Most of the time my brother wasn’t interested in the movie so he would have a bad attitude plus I was losing money. Through those experiences I learned that I would rather be alone and enjoying my own company than with someone who has bad energy and doesn’t really want to be with me. Being single is a blessing so enjoy your own company in this season.
2. Be Adventurous
Use this single season to try new things and go to new places. Explore your city and if you can explore the world! Take national and international trips. Last year was my first time on a plane and I was thinking I can get used to this. Now I can’t wait to travel to different places. Going to conferences, conventions, and concerts also give me a reason to travel. You never know if you might meet your future spouse while your traveling or trying something new.
3. Study Relationships
If you desire to be married then it is not a bad idea to read, observe, listen, and learn from people who are married. This is something that I have been doing in the last year that has really changed my perspective on marriage in a positive way. Lessons can be learned from good marriages and bad marriages. I even like to listen to people who have been divorced and are sharing where they went wrong. This is a good time to study your past relationships too. What type of person have you been attracting? How did your past relationships end? What red flags did you ignore before? Did you settle and if so why? Self reflection promotes growth. Learn from your relationships and others so that you won’t have to make the same mistakes.
4. Get Closer to God
I could not be single and content without God. It is the fruit of Holy Spirit that gives us love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, and self control (Galatians 5:22-23). The more I sought God, the more content I became. As I said before I spent years being single and unhappy, but what changed in the past year is me getting closer to God. If you don’t have God then you will always be looking for some person to be your everything. When you get closer to God he will show you new revelations about him, yourself, and your future.
5. Make a list/ Prayer for Your Future Spouse
As you deepen your relationship with God and his desires become your desires, then you can make a list with the traits you want your future spouse to possess. This month last year God was tugging on my heart to write the traits I want in a husband. I procrastinated at first, but when I finally did it I was amazed at what I wrote. Through this list God was showing me what he has in store for me. I wrote two pages in my journal and only listed 3 physical traits, the rest is strictly character. Even the physical traits I listed are not very specific. A lot of the characteristics that I want in a husband come from the Bible. For example, I want my husband to love, respect, and honor God above everything else. It’s important to do this while you are single because if you are dating someone then subconsciously you are going to describe him in your list. So God had me to write this list/prayer when I was completely single and not dating anyone or crushing on anyone. Knowing the character of my future husband also helps me discern the men who are not right for me.
6. Work on Your Purpose
While single work on your God-Given purpose. Invest in yourself. Investing in yourself will cost you money and time but it is worth it. Working on your purpose keeps you from being idle during this season. If you want to go back to school, change careers, or even establish a new business then now is a good time to start. I used to fantasize too much about my husband saving me and putting an end to all my troubles. When I realized that I can start living my dream life now while single then I started working on my purpose. You don’t want to look back at this single season years down the line and regret not accomplishing more.
7. Help Others
During this single season help those around you. When you are single you can focus on building up God’s kingdom, however once you’re married you will have to consider your spouse before you do certain things (1 Corinthians 7:32-33). Take this time to really make a impact in your community. In this world you don’t have to search hard to find someone in need. Volunteer for a charity or even serve more in your local church. At work extend a helping hand by working overtime sometimes. Create fun and unique ways to help and encourage others. Go above and beyond to serve others as God prompts you to.
8. Get Deliverance
In this season seek deliverance from any strongholds that you have. You don’t want to be battling major strongholds in a marriage. For example, being delivered from anger, rage, depression, lust, pride, and jealousy. In my single season I have been delivered from many things gradually and I am so glad that I got those weights are off my shoulders now before I have a spouse. Being delivered also involves having your mind and heart renewed. Be mindful of strongholds that are dormant in your life. When something is dormant it is at a state of rest or inactivity. Those can be tricky because you aren’t aware that you have a problem until something major triggers it. For example, last year I discovered that I still had rage in me. I broke something in anger and I was so surprised because I thought I was past that. In reality that anger and rage was lying dormant in me all along, until I got delivered from it for real. You will know that you a truly delivered when the opportunity comes again, and you decide to respond differently. We have to get to the root of our problems through prayer, faith, and intentionally strengthening areas where we are weak.
9. Release Soul Ties
While you are single release any soul ties you have from exes or even crushes in your mind and heart. I am sure many of us know people or have seen people who got married while still holding onto their ex in their heart. This can result in infidelity and a broken marriage. For years I was silently holding on to the hope that me and one of my exes would get back together. That was hindering me from accepting the man God actually has for me. Purge your phone and social media from any exes. Out of sight out of mind. Also get rid of any gifts or photos from your exes. Speak the names of the people you believe you are soul tied to and ask God to free you and make things right. Also cast down any one sided soul ties someone may have towards you. You don’t want any exes obsessing over you while your trying to move on. Releasing soul ties has brought me much peace in this season.
10. Practice Discipline
Learn to be more disciplined in all areas of your life. Be disciplined with your health, wellness, and finances. I like to push myself to eat healthier, workout regularly, and save money where I can. Put yourself on a budget and stick to it. Become more disciplined on your spiritual walk. Practice discipline in your single season so when you are married you already have self control. I know that I need more discipline in my life and I’ve found that once I can make something a habit then it is easier for me to maintain. It typically takes 21 days for a habit to form. So let’s start making good habits today!
God help me to be single the right way. Help me to be content and productive in this season. Show me where you want me to serve. In Jesus name deliver me from any strongholds and soul ties. God remove any anxiousness that is in me. Help me to enjoy my single season and wear it well. God reveal to me certain characteristics that my future spouse will have and give me the strength to be disciplined. In Jesus name I pray Amen.