Some people may think writing qualities you desire in husband or marriage is crazy, but I’ve learned that writing basic standards can be a helpful guide in the spousal selection process. As Christian women we do not have to date around aimlessly. We have the Holy Spirit who leads us, Jesus Christ as our example, and the Word of God as our guide and standard.
Too often Christian women find themselves in the same predicament as the women of the world. We make poor choices and forget that we have the one and only all knowing God on our side. God cares about who we marry because the marriages that God ordains have purpose. God desires godly offspring (Malachi 2:15). God expects the husband and the wife to serve His kingdom and bring glory to His name.
I have pursued relationships by following the way of the world through movies, TV, and music. That path always led me to confusion, unnecessary heartbreak, and regret. But when I surrendered everything to God, He began to show me who I am and shared intimate insight. That includes sharing certain qualities that I should value in a potential husband and marriage. I’m not talking about focusing on only carnal things in our immaturity. I’m talking about journaling that is spirit led that only comes from intimacy with God and His word.
So although I’m sharing this it’s not meant to encourage idolizing marriage, a list, or anything else. As followers of Christ our ultimate purpose is to spread the gospel and live a life that gives glory to God. I am content being single, but the more I seek God the more in my heart I say to myself if and when I do get married I want it to bring glory to Him. That is my desire and God’s desire too.
So after praying, reading the Word, and observing successful marriages (even my own parents over 30 yrs of a great marriage and counting); I journaled about a future husband and marriage. Things the bible states to value and some unique desires personal to me.
Having an intimate relationship with God is so crucial as we navigate our daily lives. As a single person you have more free time to spend with God than a married woman who has to tend to her husband and possibly children. Take advantage of this single season and spend quality time with God. Study the bible and meditate on His words day and night. God is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him (Hebrews 11:6 NKJV) so be intentional with your time.
It seems many people spend a lifetime trying to figure out who they really are. As you become closer to God you will also learn more about yourself. We all have a purpose, and God will show you the best way for you to fulfill yours and use your unique gifts. Knowing your purpose and your own strengths and weaknesses will allow you to better discern what man would be a complementary match for you.
- Use the Bible as your guide and standard
As Christian women the Bible should be our go to resource for everything including relationships. Take godly characteristics from the Bible and add write them down. What are some qualities that God delights in? For example having a contrite (repentant) heart and a steadfast spirit. Or the fruits of the Spirit which are love, joy, peace, longsuffering (patience), kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). And while you’re looking into godly characteristics evaluate what areas you can improve in too #charactergoals. No one is perfect but a person who is walking by the Spirit will show some fruit.
I was always taught to be specific with my prayers. Ask for whatever you desire in prayer and have faith that it is yours (Mark 11:24 NIV). Even if you don’t get it, it never hurts to ask. As you become closer to God your desires will match His desires for your life. I can testify to that because in high school I was not desiring a godly man. We tend to want the bad boy more. Then over time as you grow in your spiritual walk you will desire a man who has had a true heart change and mind change. So pay attention to the desires in your heart no matter how small or silly you may think they are. Those desires are more likely to be spirit led.
I Wrote In My Journal Now What?
So now you have written down in some form or fashion what you desire in your future husband/marriage. Now it’s time to wait it out and let God do what He is gonna do. There’s no need to stress about it. Stay encouraged and do not worry about the “How” or the “When”. During this time get to work on building your character. Become the best version of you. Continue your intimate relationship with God and get busy on the assignments God has already given you. Pray for your future husband or marriage if the Spirit leads you to do so. Be patient because God’s timing is not our own, and be flexible because changes in our plans can happen. Regardless I will trust the Lord and surrender my will to His.